I’m Starbucks Challenged
June 4, 2008
A couple of times a week I meet with some friends in the morning for coffee. It gives us a chance to shoot the bull and solve all the world’s problems. Earlier this week we decided to break our normal routine and go to Starbucks for our session.
To me coffee is coffee. I have never tried Frapacinno or Cappacino and I don’t think I even have them spelled correctly. Just give me some regular ole coffee and I’m content. Don’t need anything with stuff on top, or anything that has to be mixed in a blender, and for sure don’t put ice in it.
When I got in line at Starbucks a young man was in front of me and he ordered something like a “Starbucks moccha latte iced with a double shot with cream whipped shaken not stirred.” He said it so fast I didn’t quite make out exactly what he wanted but the smiling woman taking his order didn’t miss a beat. She put the concoction together in no time.
My turn – “Good morning!!!! Welcome to Starbucks!!!! How can I help you???”
“I want coffee,” I replied.
She paused and with a confused look on her face asked me if I wanted a “tall.”
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m sure there is a good reason they don’t call them small, medium and large, but that is my gauge for drinks. Asking me about tall and short and whatever comes in between is like talking to me about liters and kilometers. I’m just guessing at some sort of conversion into measurements I understand. It was too early. “I want a small coffee.”
“What kind of coffee do you want?” She said, the smile now absent.
“Just regular coffee,” I said.
“We have a “Wild West Jamaican Dark Roasted Morning Wakeup Call or the Costa Rican Spring Break Restful Medium Blend,” she said.
“Just give me the medium thing. A small one.”
“OK, I need a short Costa Rican Spring Break Restful Medium,” she said to no one in particular but a blond college age girl sprang into action. “That will be $6,359 and 23 cents. Do you want that on your credit card?”
They need to have special classes for ordering at Starbucks. How do all these people know what this stuff is? I’ll I know is that you drink coffee and some people put sugar and/or cream in it. I’m Starbucks challenged. I think I’m past learning how to order at Starbucks. So its back to the old hang out where you just ask for coffee. They don’t give you options about the size of the thing. You just get a cup and the waitress comes around occasionally and asks if you want it warmed up. They put a chrome mini-pitcher on the table with cream in it and a glass sugar jar with the flappy lid from which it comes out. Its pretty simple and it only costs about a buck.
Incidentally, I notice that Starbucks ends with a buck in the plural form – “BUCKS.” Aptly named I say.
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I know exactly how you feel. Makes you feel awkward just ordering. I loved this slice of life.
I used to order a venti skinny vanilla latte when I went into Starbucks. It took me a while to sound like I knew what I’m talking about. When I went back on the wagon, I go in and order a plain black coffee. No problem. Three bucks. I buy Starbucks coffee beans at the store every week, and it is the best coffee I’ve had.
I absolutely hate Starbucks. They are way overpriced and people are paying for the label. I don’t even know how to say what I want from the menu. I’ll just stick to Dunkin Donuts or fast food coffee. Just as good and definitely not as complicated!
Inanderson – we agree.
Java Dave’s on Will Rogers Blvd, dude–they’re locally owned (more locally than starbucks, certainly), have a much more laid back vibe, and don’t look at you like you’re a moron if you have the temerity to ask for a “large” instead of a “Venti” or whatever. Yeah, they have several blends of “just coffee” to choose from, but it’s recognizable as coffee, not an chemistry experiment run amuck.
You are right about Java Dave’s. I make a run in there a couple of times a week. I don’t even have to tell them what I want. They just hand me the cup when I come in. I guess that means I’m in a rut.
I think they have my lunch order memorized, so it ain’t just you.